When should we tell the children?

Once you and your spouse have decided with certainty that you are going to separate or divorce, it’s time to start planning how you will tell your children.

Although there may never be an ideal time, do your best to pick a day and time that provides your children with some space to process the news.

For example, if your split falls during the school year, you may want to tell children on a Friday afternoon and keep the calendar clear for the rest of the weekend.  Most children will need time to digest what they have heard and will need to have a series of follow up talks to ask questions or discuss how they feel.

Also, it’s helpful if children can have access to both parents for the next couple of days after you tell them about your decision. If one of you is moving out make sure you’re not dropping the bomb and then heading out the door.

For situations where tension is high between parents and staying in the house isn’t an option then you may need to approach things differently.  Arrange for kids to have significant blocks of time with each of you. It will be important during this time to reassure them with words and actions that you will both still be involved in their lives.

More tips on talking to children can be found here. 

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